DETECTIVE GEORGE BLOOMBERG - undercover FBI agent, here investigating a Mafia scam in drag as Georgette Bloom, good-natured but a hard-driving sleuth, wonderful sense of humor, balding, 35-40 years old.
VELMA VIXEN - madam of a Washington brothel, FBI informant helping George with his Mafia investigation, brassy and loud, outrageously dressed, Rodney Richfield's natural mother, 45-50 years old.
STANLEY J. RICHFIELD - typical politician: intelligent, articulate, artificially sincere. Presently New York State's senator in Washington D.C. running for Governor of NY State, attractive and well-groomed, 50-60 years old.
DORIS RICHFIELD - second wife of Stanley, bourgeois and arrogant, Stanley's biggest fan - always a supporter, sometimes confuses love with money, attractive in a plain New England way, 45-50 years old.
RODNEY RICHFIELD - flaky son of Stanley and Velma; however, he believes that Stanley's first wife, Camille Cockfoster, is his mother. Practical joker, spoiled and bored with life, unemployed graduate of Harvard where he created his own major (Thespian Sociology: how theatre people interact in the real world), 24-28 years old.
NAN BEAUMONT - aggressive newspaper reporter currently working for USA Daily, outspoken and sarcastic, overly confident, physically attractive, statuesque, had a short-lived affair with Stanley 9 years ago, 40-50 years old.
TORTELLINI FUSILLI - ex-hooker who worked for Velma, buxom and very attractive, appears sophisticated - not cheap, until she speaks - has a strong Italian or Brooklyn accent, loud mouth, daughter of a pasta entrepreneur from Milan, 28-30 years old.
LUIGI ROSETTI - hot-tempered Italian, domineering and intimidating with everyone; however Tortellini often puts him in his place, handsome, 45-55 years old.
JULIE PINKBOTTOM - punctilious, dedicated secretary of Stanley for 8 years, emotionally unstable, deeply in love with Stanley; they are secretly having an affair, sweet and charming outside, vindictive inside, 30 years old.
ANTONIO SCUNGILLI (alias BIG DADDY ) - short, tough Italian mob leader, gruff voice, 40-60 years.