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The Kitchen Witches - Full Length Play, Comedy

The Kitchen Witches

Caroline Smith

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Full Length Play, Comedy

2m, 2f

ISBN: 9780573632860

"Canadian playwright Caroline Smith has whipped up a hilarious tale." - Simcoe Times-Reformer

More Information Below:

Description | Characters | Rental Materials | Author | Now Playing | Reviews
: Acting Edition
: Large Print
: Stage Manager

Minimum Fee: $75 per performance


Full Length Play


120 minutes (2 hours)

Time Period - Contemporary, Present Day

Settings Of Play - One unit set. A cooking-show kitchen in a small local cable-television studio. Large counter at center stage, featuring tabletop range for “cooking.” Two dressing rooms, generally one on each side of the stage. A door leading to the rest of the TV station. At upstage, a sink, fridge, etc.


Audience Participation/Interactive, Local Celebrity Cameo

Interior Set

Contemporary Costumes / Street Clothes


Alcohol, Mild Adult Themes




Adult, Senior


Community Theatre, Dinner Theatre, Professional Theatre, Shoestring Budget, Blackbox / Second Stage /Fringe Groups


Samuel French Canadian Playwrights Contest

Winner! 2005 Samuel French Canadian Playwrights Contest

Isobel Lomax and Dolly Biddle are two “mature” cable-access cooking show hostesses who have hated each other for thirty years, ever since Larry Biddle dated one and married the other. When circumstances put them together on a TV show called The Kitchen Witches, the insults are flung harder than the food! Dolly’s long-suffering TV-producer son, Stephen, tries to keep them on track, but as long as Dolly’s dressing room is one inch closer to the set than Isobel’s, it’s a losing battle, and the show becomes a ratings smash as Dolly and Isobel top both Martha Stewart and Jerry Springer!

Pre-recorded jingles and other sound cues listed in the script are available for purchase; email carolinesmith@sympatico.ca for information on cost. Producers of The Kitchen Witches are also encouraged to change the business names, locations and sponsors mentioned in the script to local references.

"Canadian playwright Caroline Smith has whipped up a hilarious tale." - Simcoe Times-Reformer

"Take a handful of animated actors, add a lively and responsive audience, let the plot thicken and you get a savoury show that's sure to please even the fussiest palate." - Orangeville Banner

The Kitchen Witches was first produced at the Stirling Festival Theatre in Stirling Ontario in June 2003.



2m, 2f


One non-speaking role can be played by either male or female.

DOLLY BIDDLE - 50s; a little cherub of a woman, prone to overweight but always going at top speed. She indulges herself with anything life has to offer whenever possible – even if it’s not good for her!? – and her creative imagination knows no bounds. She is intensely proud of her son Stephen, loves to dispense advice along with recipes for cabbage rolls and borscht and hates Isobel Lomax with an intensity usually reserved for detonating nuclear devices.
 - 30s; a nervous, prematurely balding but decent young man who actually enjoys producing low-budget cable TV shows, even when his Mom is the star. Bright and capable, if somewhat shy, but always reluctant to confront Dolly on her many shortcomings. He’s not a fighter - he’d rather be a lover, but nobody’s asked him yet.
- Thinks Martha Stewart could learn something about homemaking from her. She trained at the Cordon Bleu and enjoyed a successful career, including her own show “Busy Izzy.” Isobel likes people to think she has a much classier background than reality supports; she would never go out without being properly accessorized. At heart, she is a bright funny and articulate woman who has come to terms with the choices she made early in life.
(or ROBERTA THE CAMERA CHICK) - Non-speaking role (except for one line!). Rob is a young “Goth” inspired person; Stephen is a little afraid of him/her. He/she cleans up the sets, resets props, carries the portable camera around during the “live broadcasts” and despite his/her appearance, is generally extremely efficient and precise. (Can be played by an actual ASM or production assistant.)

Rental Materials


N/A (Not a musical)

Caroline Smith

Caroline Smith

Caroline Smith has enjoyed a successful 35-year career in professional theatre as a performer, choreographer, director and playwright. She worked at almost every theatre in Canada between Charlottetown and Victoria, including the Shaw Festival and the Canadian Opera Company, before moving to Stirling in 1996 to form the Stirling Festival Theatre in Stirling, Ontario. Under Caroline’s ... view full profile

Other Caroline Smith titles:

Now Playing
Mia Thorp 10/5/2017 5:00 PM
Susan Frushour 3/27/2017 11:15 PM
We did this as a benefit production for our local rural Elks. It was very well received.
MIKE HATHAWAY 5/28/2016 3:35 PM
This show has been selling like hotcakes  - and no one has ever heard of it!  We're kicking off our second weekend with sell-out crowds.

For the right director, you can infuse a LOT of creativity into this show.

The script may be as complex as store brand vanilla ice cream, but you add the right toppings and it's definitely a hit with audiences!

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