FRANK HAYNES -40, tall, muscular, dark; basic and uneducated, but intuitively intelligent.
BOBBY PORTER HAYNES - Frank's son; a child, age 10; blond, slight, and sensitive
HELEN - Frank's wife, age 40; tall, dark, attractive; sensitive, nervous, self-centered
DUDE HENDERSON - a friend, age 40; short, not good-looking, but much character; coarse, earthy, honest
PEARL - mother-in-law, age 60; tall, stately; very pious, matriarchal, and cool
MERTEEN - sister-in-law, age 45; pious, whiny, and nirritating; a nosy gossip
GALEN - brother-in-law, age 45; weak, a loser; bitter, disgruntled, and hen-pecked