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This is Not What I Ordered - Full Length Play, Comedy

This is Not What I Ordered

Stephen Fife

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Full Length Play, Comedy

4m, 4f

ISBN: 9780573623394

"Mines the bottomless pit of male-female partnering." - Los Angeles Weekly
A funny and touching play about men and women in restaurants and bars looking for love and finding much more than they bargained for.

More Information Below:

Description | Characters | Author | Reviews
: Acting Edition
: Large Print
: Stage Manager

Minimum Fee: $75 per performance


Full Length Play


Romantic Comedy

90 minutes

Time Period - Contemporary, Present Day

Settings Of Play - A restaurant or several restaurants. Two café tables, four chairs, two barstools, and a portable bar.


No intermission

Interior Set, Bare Stage/Simple Set

Contemporary Costumes / Street Clothes


Strong Language




College Theatre / Student, Community Theatre, Professional Theatre, Shoestring Budget, Blackbox / Second Stage /Fringe Groups

Ever walked into a restaurant and seen an attractive couple in the back talking excitedly, their hands gesturing wildly, their expressions changing swiftly from joy to sadness and back again? Ever wondered what they were saying? Well, we have no clue about that, but if you want a really funny and touching play about men and women in restaurants and bars looking for love and finding much more than they bargained for, then check out This is Not What I Ordered.

"Mines the bottomless pit of male-female partnering." - Los Angeles Weekly

"A startled deer in an SUV's headlights has nothing on these love-phobic characters. In the sure hands of a relationship-savvy playwright, an evening of charm and humor is bound to follow." - Backstage West

This is Not What I Ordered was first produced at the Zephyr Theatre in Los Angeles, CA, by Jeryll W. Adler/Pacific Stages in association with Circle West (Lisa Bishop, Artistic Director)from May 21-June 27, 2004. It was directed by Shelagh Carter.


4m, 4f


Expandable casting, Flexible casting, Multicultural casting


Flexible casting for 4-16 actors

Breakdown for a cast of 8 (4m, 4f):

MAN - 25-27, plays BRIAN, WAITER. The Cute Guy. He’s got that boyish thing down pat. But what does he want? He’s not sure. But he’s still afraid that he won’t get it.
MAN - 30-35, play LARRY, TOM. Character guy. Deeply insecure with women. He’s been burned many times, but he can’t keep himself from trying again.
MAN - 30-35, plays ALAN, STUART. Character guy. Also deeply insecure, but he goes in the other direction with it, feeling more resentful and suspicious of women, blaming them, not himself.
MAN - 42, plays DOUG, SAM, BRUCE. An idealist who has tried his best to live up to his ideals. He hasn’t done badly either, except he doesn’t really know what he believes in anymore.
WOMAN - 25, plays MELANIE, WAITRESS [CW]. She is an independent sort of girl. Does her best to cover up her vulnerability, but it’s there. Pretty without being a knockout, she’s aware that the odds are often against her. Feisty. Funny without trying to be.
WOMAN - 35, plays LINDA. Independent, but age is creeping up on her (or so she thinks). Getting a bit desperate for that right guy to come along. She’s got a real inner beauty, a poetic quality that guys seem not to know what to do with. (Can also be WAITRESS [CW]).
WOMAN - 37, plays JOAN, ALISON. An attractive woman who sabotages herself at every turn, big time. This is close to a farcical character, a woman who just can’t help laying traps for herself. It would be terribly sad if it wasn’t so funny.
WOMAN - 40, plays MEGAN, WAITRESS [WR]. Attractive, perhaps even a beauty, but not so guys seem really to notice anymore. She believed in many things once, had her share of adventures, but now her life has settled into an all too-placid routine.

Stephen Fife

Stephen Fife

Stephen Fife – His new play Blue Kiss recently finished a run as part of the Hollywood Fringe, where one critic called it “a sly and brilliant conundrum.” His other new play, The American Wife – co-written with Ralph Pezzullo - has been chosen by HB Playwrights in New York City for their fall reading series. Steve co-founded and ran The Young Actors Workshop in Venice CA for five years, directing ... view full profile

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