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Don't Hug Me, We're Married - Full Length Musical, Comedy

Don't Hug Me, We're Married

Phil Olson, Paul Olson

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Full Length Musical, Comedy

3m, 2f

ISBN: 9780573704185

Book & Lyrics by Phil Olson
Music by Paul Olson

Don't Hug Me, We’re Married
 is the fifth in the smash hit Don't Hug Me series of musical comedies. The others include Don’t Hug MeA Don’t Hug Me Christmas CarolA Don’t Hug Me County Fair and Don’t Hug Me, I’m Pregnant, also available from Samuel French! The Don’t Hug Memusicals are all stand alone musicals. You do not have to see them in any particular order to fully enjoy them.
: Acting Edition
: Large Print
: Stage Manager
Cast Recording CD

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Licensing fees and rental materials quoted upon application.


Full Length Musical


120 minutes (2 hours)

Time Period - Contemporary, Present Day, New Millennium/21st Century

Settings Of Play - Late June at The Bunyan, a little bar in a small northern Minnesota town called Bunyan Bay.


Unit Set/Multiple Settings, Bare Stage/Simple Set

Contemporary Costumes / Street Clothes


Mild Adult Themes


Adult, Teen (Age 14 - 18)


College Theatre / Student, Community Theatre, Dinner Theatre, Professional Theatre, Large Stage, Blackbox / Second Stage /Fringe Groups

Don’t Hug Me, We’re Married takes place in a small north woods bar in Bunyan Bay, Minnesota. Gunner and Clara Johnson are owners of the bar, they’ve been married “a long time,” the romance has left the marriage, and Clara would like to get it back. When Gunner finds a pamphlet that Clara was hiding for “Divorce Fantasy Camp,” he realizes he needs to do something to convince his wife he’s a good husband. At the same time, Bernice, the pretty waitress, gets engaged to Aarvid, a karaoke salesman. Gunner’s twin sister, Trigger (played by Gunner) comes to town and proposes to Kanute, the local business icon. It’s a double wedding. Will anyone get cold feet? Would someone try to derail the wedding? Will Clara go to Divorce Fantasy Camp? What could possibly go wrong? Everything. Rest assured, nothing will go as wedding-planned in Bunyan Bay.

Featuring 16 original songs including, “The Marriage Test,” “Marriage is Forever,” “Lower Expectations,” “I’m Gettin’ Hitched,”  “The Day That Bob Dylan Was Here,” “It’s All Comin’ Together” and “We’re All Gonna Die.”

Don't Hug Me, We’re Married is the fifth in the smash hit Don't Hug Me series of musical comedies. The others include Don’t Hug Me, A Don’t Hug Me Christmas Carol, A Don’t Hug Me County Fair and Don’t Hug Me, I’m Pregnant, also available from Samuel French! The Don’t Hug Me musicals are all stand alone musicals. You do not have to see them in any particular order to fully enjoy them.


"It has it all…romance, sidesplitting comedy, great musical numbers, and just down right good fun. " - NoHoArtsDistrict.com

"Its high point is entertainment with a barrel of laughs..." – B'way World

"The entire cast is SHEER COMEDIC PERFECTION… " – Tolucan Times

"…a wonderful montage of song, dance, humor…" LA Examiner


Don’t Hug Us, We’re Brothers
by Phil Olsen and Paul Olsen
April 30, 2012

Don't Hug Me, We're Married was first produced at The Lonny Chapman Group Rep Theatre in Los Angeles, California, in October 2014. The artistic directors were Larry Eisenberg and Chris Winfield, the president was Bert Emmett, it was directed by Doug Engalla, the choreography was by Stan Mazin. 


3m, 2f


The role of Trigger Johnson is doubled by the same actor playing Gunner Johnson. 


No Chorus

CLARA JOHNSON - Gunner's wife. Co-owner of a bar called "The Bunyan," who's been married to Gunner for a long time. Likeable. Playfully sarcastic, not mean spirited. Above all, she really does love Gunner.
GUNNER JOHNSON - Clara's husband. Strong willed co-owner of The Bunyan. A north woods Archie Bunker.
BERNICE LUNDSTROM - Pretty, young, wholesome, innocent, waitress at The Bunyan. Dreams of going to Broadway.
KANUTE GUNDERSON - Oblivious, dense, harmless, full of himself business owner.
AARVID GISSELSEN SLICK - Fast-talking karaoke salesman. A north woods "Music Man."
TRIGGER JOHNSON - Gunner's twin sister. Played by Gunner. A forest ranger, Doesn't get along with Gunner. Feminine, likes to hug, the opposite of Gunner. She desperately wants to find a man.
Rental Materials


Piano Only


Classic Broadway



6 Piano/Vocal Scores
Accompaniment Tracks CD

Performance Tracks required for production.  

Phil Olson

Phil Olson

Phil Olson grew up in Edina, Minnesota, home of the first indoor mall. His father’s grandparents came over from Norway and homesteaded a farm north of Fargo, North Dakota. His mother’s grandparents also came over from Norway and ended up in Virginia, Minnesota; the iron range. Mr. Olson played varsity football, basketball, and track at Edina East High School, winning the Minnesota State High ... view full profile

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