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There's a Burglar in My Bed - Full Length Play, Comedy

There's a Burglar in My Bed

Michael Parker

Customer Rating: starstarstarstarstar (Rate this!)

Full Length Play, Comedy

3m, 4f

ISBN: 9780573629419

"The laughs come thick and furious." - Boynton Times

"Parker's best." - Palm Beach Post

More Information Below:

Description | Characters | Rental Materials | Author | Reviews
: Acting Edition
: Large Print
: Stage Manager

Minimum Fee: $75 per performance


Full Length Play


120 minutes (2 hours)

Time Period - Contemporary, Present Day

Settings Of Play - The master bedroom and living room of the beach house of the Worthington family estate, in Massachusetts.


Physical Comedy

Interior Set, Unit Set/Multiple Settings, Bare Stage/Simple Set

Contemporary Costumes / Street Clothes


No Special Cautions


Adult, Senior, Teen (Age 14 - 18)


College Theatre / Student, Community Theatre, Dinner Theatre, Professional Theatre, Reader's Theatre, Large Stage

William Worthington III and his wife are both going to be away for the weekend from their two hundred acre Massachusetts estate with its twenty six bedroom mansion, he to Delaware to shoot ducks with the Duponts and she to her mother's in Boston. Both have, in fact, arranged trysts with their respective lovers in the estate's beach cottage. Inevitably their paths cross and divorce is in the air. Neither is willing to give up the world famous Worthington necklace, so each devises a plan to steal it. True to the laws of farce, both simulated burglaries are scheduled for same night. Fun filled chaos ensues: mistaken identities, unlikely romantic liaisons, a bumbling private detective, a fake necklace, one very determined nymphomaniac and two scantily clad pseudo nuns sharing a single skirt. "Where did they come from?" Confusion is piled on confusion until the mystery of who has the real necklace and who has the fake is revealed in a surprise ending.

"The audience LOVED it. I've never heard such sustained laughter and experienced such audience buy-in in the theatre at the Kirkwood Community Center in the decades I've been seeing Guild performances there." - Laura Kyro/ KDHX.org

"The laughs come thick and furious." - Boynton Times

"A hilarious lampoon." - Naples Daily News

"Parker's best." - Palm Beach Post

"Just how good is the script, when the cast never seem aware of the hilarity of their lines." - Ambience Magazine, Naples Daily News

"This modern day farce touches on adultery and divorce, is loaded with humor, and many unexpected twists." - Boynton Times

There's A Burlgar In My Bed was first produced at the Naples Playhouse, Naples, Florida on November 30, 1994.


3m, 4f


Ensemble cast, Non-Traditional casting, Strong Role for Leading Man (Star Vehicle), Strong Role for Leading Woman (Star Vehicle)


No Chorus

ASHLEY WORTHINGTON - 35+; scheming, cold and calculating, yet with a tender side, wife of William W. Worthington III, typical New England "aristocrat" 
EDWARD P. BROOKSTONE ("Teddy") - 40+; weak and shallow, but nevertheless quite cunning, Ashley's lover, and a man who would never allow himself to fall in love with someone who wasn't extremely wealthy
WILLIAM W. WORTHINGTON III  ("Billy") - 40+; kind and gentle, yet clever and manipulative, grandson of one of America's great industrialists, always conscious of his station in life, finally reveals a sharp mind and strength of character
LARRAINE DuVAL ("Buffy") - 25+; gorgeous and seductive, self-centered and determined, Billy's young and glamorous lover; money, position and power seem all-important; personal relationships are secondary
WILLIAM DAVIS - brash and overbearing, so totally incompetent he becomes likable; how he succeeded in becoming a licensed private investigator is a mystery to all who know him
DEBORAH DuVAL - 25+; pretty and personable, but not a rocket scientist, willing and cheerful, displays a tender compassion
MARIANNE VAN KLEEF - 25+; beautiful, sophisticated and sensuous, but not cheap in any way, a New England socialite; she would be hard for any man to resist, and, as we see, none of them do

Rental Materials


N/A (Not a musical)


N/A (Not a musical)

Michael Parker

Michael Parker

Michael Parker has been active in the theatre almost all his life. At age fourteen, in England where he was born and raised, he won the title role in a regional production of Terence Rattigan's play, The Winslow Boy, for which he received a "Best Actor of the Year" award. By age seventeen he was touring with The National Shakespearean Youth Company. He graduated in the top 3% of his class from The ... view full profile

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Nancy Thompson 4/29/2015 5:28 PM
Contrived. Endless. Unfunny.

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