GILLIAN GORDON- The typical 50s heroine, spunky, pretty, and the kind of girl you'd take home to Mom. Headmistress of Gordon Girl's Academy.
EUSTICE EARLY- A rock and roll singer. He may look like Elvis, but his heart is pure Pat Boone.
ROCCO and WEASEL- The Early Birds, Eustice Early's back up group. Rocco is very cool, Weasel is trying.
AUGUSTA SMOOT- Teacher of "physical culture" at the Academy.
MAUDE SNEAD- Another facult member, old- but very spry.
KING KENNY KOOL- The hippest, slickest DJ of them all.
HERMIONE MACKLUCKNEE VAN PELT- Very rich, very stuffy, and very square.
HUGHIE VAN PELT- Her downtrodden husband.
MA- Straight from the hills of Tennessee.
THELMA JEAN- Her daughter, strong as an ox with a nose like a bloodhound.
CALHOUN- Her son, definitely the strong, silent type.
SGT. THURSDAY- A terse and deadpan police officer.
OFFICER TRENCH- Thursday's equally terse and deadpan partner (May be played by either a man or a woman).
CORLISS- A typical 50s teenager.
STRETCH- Her typical 50s steady.
WILHELMINA- The terror and a fervent follower of that 50s phenomena, UFOs.
RAMONA- The fainter.
NANCY, CONNIE, GLORIA, and PEGGY SUE- Students at the Academy. These roles may be doubled or added to.