DOC - The narrator of our little human comedy, he is a man in his late thirties.
MAUDE - A feisty, quarrelsome old lady who spends most of her time arguing with...
MYRTLE - Another feisty, quarrelsome old lady.
TITUS LYDECKER - A yardstick-straight, tight-lipped man in his early fifties.
J.C. - A man in his early thirties; a regular guy and a park bench frequentor.
HARLEY - A man, around forty, who is the implied, self-appointed president of the "Spit and Whittle Club",
EFREM - A dim-wit in his early twenties.
BEULAH DELEPLAIN - A pompous hen of a woman, older than thirty but she's not telling how much.
CY OGLETHORPE - A store owner in his late thirties.
MISS UNDERWOOD - A secretary at City Hall; an attractive woman around twenty-five years old.
EDITOR MEAD - A thirty-five-year-old newspaper editor.