Making Nice

The curtain opens on Cymbeline, lost in the dark woods, calling plaintively for rescue as wolves prowl closer and closer All of a sudden, No, no, no! rings out from the back of the theater and a disgruntled, dictatorial director barges down the aisle, furious at the actress, the cast, and the entire crew! She commands, No one leaves the theater until this production is beaten into shape. The abused and beleaguered cast and crew are forced to comply. Enter two representatives from OSHA theatre division: OSHAT. The new government agency charges the director with jeopardizing the emotional safety of the cast and crew. Barbara, who had been accustomed to using her venomous tongue at will suddenly has to make nice or have the production shut down. Then problems avalanche: the show's horse looks like a mutated camel; the lead gets a rampant case of the giggles; the understudy doesn't know her lines; disaster follows disaster, and Barbara isn't even allowed to yell.