LOU (LOUISE) WEXLER – Lou is a bubbling bundle of energy. She takes command of the stage like she takes command of her diner. Mid 30s, she is attractive, intelligent and well-respected. Both men and women find value in Lou’s many philosophies of life. Her hair and make-up are flawless, and she exudes an air of utter capability. Lou is always moving, and dispensing tough, no-nonsense wisdom as she bounces from one task to another throughout the diner she’s owned and loved since she was in her early 20s. Lou is energetic hospitality personified... welcoming – never hillbilly harsh.
BILL WEXLER – Bill is a retired marine who served in the Middle East and is married to Lou. Mid to late 30s, he is taller than the other men, wears his hair in a typical military style, and has an air of authority that is impossible to miss. He owns a trail guiding business, and his physique indicates his athleticism. He grew up in the town of Christmas and loves hiking, fishing and hunting. If any of the men understand women and relationships, Bill’s the man. Bill doesn’t take orders from the boys, but his philosophy concerning women is generally to do as Lou says.
DAVE FOX – Dave is a typical married father of two in his 30s who works as a butcher. He is painfully average in looks and intelligence. Dave cultivated his great sense of humor to compensate for his overly average averageness. He loves to crack jokes to avoid any deep discussions. He loves his wife and children, but sometimes he needs a break. Dave and Bill have been friends all their lives, and Jimmy is the butt of many of Dave’s jokes because Dave secretly envies Jimmy’s free and easy bachelor life.
BARBIE JO FOX – Barbie Jo is the beleaguered wife of Dave and the daughter of Verna Belle. She has two children and Dave to raise. She is attractive but frazzled. She never quite manages to look completely put together. Barbie Jo’s mother never lets her forget that she could have married better, gotten a better education, and just generally done better in life if she hadn’t married Dave the butcher right out of high school. Barbie Jo works full-time at the diner, and Lou considers Barbie Jo her “right-hand girl.”
JIMMY WEAVER – Jimmy considers himself the “lady’s man” in town. In his mid-20s, he is cute and charming, but he isn’t terribly smart. He is woefully lacking in any understanding of what women really want from a man. Jimmy’s family has owned a hog farm near town for generations, and Jimmy is a real, down-home farm boy. He loves to hunt and fish and basically do whatever he darn well pleases. He is engaged to the town hottie, Darlene. He met Bill and Lou when he started dating Darlene, and Bill and Dave added him to their group right away because he shares their love of women, beer and, most of all, hunting!
DARLENE FULMER – Darlene is an All-American beauty! In her early 20s, she is blonde and built! Darlene wears short skirts and tight sweaters. She is a typical rodeo queen with horses on her mind and cowboys on her tail. No hairstyle is too big, no jewelry too outrageous for Darlene. She is a complete innocent who accepts everything at face value. No one considers Darlene a brain, but what she lacks in smarts, she makes up for in heart. She met Jimmy through an internet dating service two years ago. Darlene is engaged to Jimmy and is a good-hearted gal who just wants to make the world a better place!
SHERIFF LESTER THOMAS – Lester is not only the county sheriff, he is Darlene’s cousin AND an ordained minister. He is 40-50 and smart. He may sound like a country boy, but Sheriff Lester’s got it all going on.
SHARKEY SPINOZA – Real gangster type out of New Jersey. 30-50 and has a strong Jersey accent. This character is cute if he’s played by a really short actor and his sidekick, Pauly Pirelli, is played by a big, tall actor.
PAULY PIRELLI – Dumb, harmless gangster enforcer type and employee of Sharkey. He is Sharkey’s “muscle” and right-hand man, but he isn’t terribly smart. He is instantly smitten with the lovely Darlene! Best if played by a 30-something, tall, strong actor. The bigger, the better!