Confessions of a Dirty Blonde

by  Billy Van Zandt, Jane Milmore

Full Length Play, Comedy  /  6m, 2f

"A scream! Vintage Van Zandt-Milmore. For that - the zaniness, the split second timing, the instinct for the comic jugular - let us give thanks!" - Two River Times
The year is 1962. Living legend Lillian Lamour, a Mae West like sex siren, comes out of seclusion for a one night tribute at Carnegie Hall. While recreating her famous 1933 Time Magazine cover, a lion bites her world famous derriere exposing, among other things, that she is a he.

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Confessions of a Dirty Blonde

by  Billy Van Zandt Jane Milmore

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  • Cast Size

    Cast Size

    6m, 2f
  • Duration

    Duration

    120 minutes (2 hours)
  • SubGenre

    Subgenre

    Farce
  • Accolades

    Accolades

    Not Applicable
  • Audience

    Target Audience

    • Adult

Additional Info

Get out the boxer shorts, wigs and size ten pumps! The masters of modern farce are back with an outrageously zany comedy. The year is 1962. Living legend Lillian Lamour, a Mae West like sex siren, comes out of seclusion for a one night tribute at Carnegie Hall. While recreating her famous 1933 Time Magazine cover, a lion bites her world famous derriere exposing, among other things, that she is a he. Now Hollywood's best kept secret will be revealed unless Lillian's press agent can put a lid on things. Neither the gangster crooner ex boyfriend nor Lillian's wallflower daughter is aware of the truth, but the hotel doctor knows and can't convince anyone else. This screwball comedy in the tradition of the Marx Brothers is a scream.
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Reviews

"What a blast! What a hoot! What a rollicking good time!"- Advocate, Maine

"If you are in the mood for a funny, nutty night of theater, you couldn't do better than to see Confessions of a Dirty Blonde." -News Eagle, Pennsylvania

"I just couldn't stop laughing!"- Pittsburgh City Paper

"A must-see! Hilarious? You bet!" - Asbury Park Press

"Riddled with fun, puns, pratfalls, and plenty of farce. A screwball comedy in the tradition of the Marx Bros." - The Courier

"A scream! Vintage Van Zandt-Milmore. For that - the zaniness, the split second timing, the instinct for the comic jugular - let us give thanks!" - Two River Times, New Jersey

"A must-see! Think of it as the Marx Bros. with saltier dialogue." - South Pittsburgh Reporter

"Doors slamming, people yelling, mistaken identities, misunderstood language, a tight deadline, men in dresses, and slightly naughty jokes – all the ingredients of a great farce are found in Confessions of a Dirty Blonde. Great summer fare!" - Weekly Recorder


Keywords

LGBT issues

Considerations

Performing Groups

  • College Theatre / Student
  • Community Theatre
  • Dinner Theatre
  • Professional Theatre
  • Large Stage
  • Blackbox / Second Stage /Fringe Groups

Cautions

  • Caution Mild Adult Mild Adult Themes
  • Caution Smoking Smoking

License details

  • Minimum Fee: $90 per performance

Production

Details

  • Time Period: 1960s
  • Duration: 120 minutes (2 hours)
  • Setting: A suite at the Hotel Carlyle in New York City, circa 1962
  • Additional Features: Physical Comedy, Play w/ Music
  • Features / Contains: Period Costumes

Music

  • Musical Style: N/A (Not a musical)

Casting

6m, 2f
LILLIAN LAMOUR - the greatest sex symbol the world has ever known
CHICK LIPTON - her press agent, a bit high strung
JOEY BURROWS - a forty year old bellboy
RITA LAM OUR - the greatest sex symbol's daughter
RUSSELL BROCADE - hotel concierge at the Hotel Carlyle
DR. DUBEL - the cigarette-smoking hotel doctor
JOHNNY TORENADO - a washed-up crooner, Lillian's ex-boyfriend
OFFICER FOUCET - pronounced Foo-say
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Cast Attributes

  • Cross gender casting
  • Drag performance
  • Strong Role for Leading Man (Star Vehicle)
  • Strong Role for Leading Woman (Star Vehicle)

Casting Notes

"The play makes reference to a live lion. Lions are costly, unpredictable and, in case you didn't know, carnivores. We suggest using a guy/girl/dog in a lion suit. If, however, you do have the money, trainers and thickskinned actors, by all means use a live one." - The Authors

Resources

More

Authors

Billy Van Zandt

Billy Van Zandt - after starring in a series of his own plays (If you've never seen this clown at work, you should be ashamed of yourself - Asbury Park Press), Billy made his feature film debut in Jaws 2. The success of his comedies (written with partner Jane Milmore) brought him to the attention of Bob Newhart, who hi ...

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Jane Milmore

Jane Milmore began her career as an actress. After starring in several national TV commercials, she appeared in the TV shows Anything But Love and Sydney, as well as guest-starring on Bless This House, Newhart, Martin, The Hughley’s, and The Wayans Bros. Jane also ap ...

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Confessions of a Dirty Blonde was first performed at the Henderson Theatre in Lioncroft, New Jersey, on May 17, 1996. It was directed by Glenn Casale and produced by Mark Fleming.

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