The 3 1/2 Musketeers

DARTH CANYON’S FATHER – Former Musketeer
ROBAIRE – Young farmer
JEAN-PIERRE – Another young farmer
DARTH CANYON – Soon-to-be a Musketeer, quite short
POTHOLE – King's Musketeer
APPLESAUCE – Another King's Musketeer
ARMISTICE – Another King's Musketeer
SERVING GIRL – In Paris tavern
SOUPCON – Richelieu's henchman
ANNE – Queen of France
LOUIS – King of France
CUSTARD – Queen's servant
RICHELIEU – Villainous First Minister of France
MADAME BUSHWHACK – Runs a rooming house
BUCK – Prime Minister of England
COUNTESS DE WHIMPER – Richelieu's top agent, some dish
MIMI – De Whimper’s handmaiden
FIFI – Another handmaiden
BIBI – Another handmaiden
MAN IN SEASIDE TAVERN – Has important paper
MAN IN THE IRON MASK – Could use a can opener
COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO – Could use a shave
EXECUTIONER – Chop, chop here, chop, chop there

CITIZENS, MEMBERS OF COURT, OTHERS, CHORUS AS DESIRED

Authors’ Note: In the premiere production at the Moorpark theatre, DARTH was played by a girl, Sandra Bunday; this is only beause no teeny talented tenors tried out for the role, so we went for a girl for matters of size; so when you announce auditions for productions of this show, please specify that your two leading roles require diminutive performers, so that the long-frustrated great-tenors-in-small-bodies show up!

In the premiere production at the Moorpark theatre, DARTH was played by a girl, Sandra Bunday; this is only beause no teeny talented tenors tried out for the role, so we went for a girl for matters of size; so when you announce auditions for productions of this show, please specify that your two leading roles require diminutive performers, so that the long-frustrated great-tenors-in-small-bodies show up!