The Lone Star Love Potion
Full Length Play, Comedy / 3m, 4f
"Another hit for Parker." - Palm Beach Post
"Spellbinding as well as fun." - Delray Times
"Gales of laughter approached hurricane force. This play's a hoot." - Boca Raton News
Mr. Stancliffe, the owner of a vast fortune, and a two hundred thousand acre Texas ranch has died. His long time butler, Jarvis, and the maid, Melody, along with Mr. Stancliffe’s niece and only living relative Patrice, are there for the reading of the will.
Mr. Stancliffe, the owner of a vast fortune, and a two hundred thousand acre Texas ranch has died. His long time butler, Jarvis, and the maid, Melody, along with Mr. Stancliffe’s niece and only living relative Patrice, are there for the reading of the will by the family lawyer, Mr. Oakfield. Strangely, a Miss Tammy-Jo Harper, from the neighboring ranch, has also been invited! As expected, Patrice inherits the estate, with one clause, Jarvis may live out his life on the ranch, and Patrice may not sell it without Jarvis’s permission. After the presentation of the will, a Mary Lou Winston unexpectedly arrives. She is a dowdy ornithologist, (or is she?), who is doing research for her masters on woodpecker preservation. She requests to spend the night at the ranch, as her campsite has been rained out. Jarvis, has one other surprise for Patrice.
Acting on instructions from Mr. Stancliffe, he produces from the safe a formula, and a sample of what appears to be a love potion. Mr. Stancliffe wills 25% of the shares to Patrice, 25% to Michael, and 50% to Jarvis. But this is a love potion with a difference. Made from the bark of the Brazilian walnut tree from "Amazonia," it does not affect the person who drinks it. Rather, this powerful aphrodisiac causes them to give off an almost imperceptible odor, which affects the vomeronasal organ of the opposite sex, with devastating effect.
Can it really work? It has the potential to be worth billions. Before long everyone is testing it with hilarious results. The audience, at first convinced that it works, is then persuaded it doesn’t, and is finally left in doubt about both theories. Through all of this confusion, Michael and Patrice connive to acquire the rights to the love potion from Jarvis, by trading his shares for the forty million dollar ranch.
PATRICE: We’d like you, just for a short while to act as though Jarvis was absolutely irresistible to you. Can you do it?
TAMMY-JO: Piece of cake! Men are all easy.
MICHAEL: What do you mean men are all easy?[...]
TAMMY-JO: Listen, women may want a reason to have sex, but men just need a place. Anyway, don’t tell me men have never used sex to get what they want.
MICHAEL: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want.
Only in the last 30 seconds of the play is the surprising truth revealed to the audience.
"Another hit for Parker." - Palm Beach Post
"Spellbinding as well as fun."- Delray Times
“By word of mouth, he is probably going to become one of America’s most frequently produced playwrights.” - The San Antonio Press
"Gales of laughter approached hurricane force. This play's a hoot." -Boca Raton News
“Parker pens another hit with Potion” - The Palm Beach Post
“An evening of absolute entertainment, fast paced, funny, and just plain enjoyable. Shows like this don’t come along every day!” - The Racine Journal Times, Wisconsin
“Parker has created another great American farce with The Lone Star Love Potion” - The Omaha City Weekly
“Parker wrote and superbly directed this titillating show. A hilarious knock about comedy... There are more plots, counter-plots, and subterfuges to this story than a barrel of monkeys has tails.” - The San Antonio Express News
“Parker has forged a niche and filled a void in American theatre.” - The Review, Iowa“The Binbrook Theatre has the crowd in stitches with The Lone Star Love Potion" - The Grand River Sachem, Ontario, California
“Lone Star Love Potion is spell-binding, as well as fun.” - The Fort Lauderdale News
“The laughs roll right along.” - The Sacramento News and Review
“Lone Star Love Potion is a rollicking comedy that’s sure to make the audience roar with laughter.” - HoldimandPress, Binbrook, California
- No Special Cautions
- Minimum Fee: $75 per performance
- Time Period: Contemporary, Present Day
- Duration: 120 minutes (2 hours)
- Setting: The setting is the living room and study of the Texas ranch home of the late Edward Stancliffe. It is a typical Texas living room with cow skins on the floor and animal heads on the walls.
- Additional Features: Physical Comedy
- Features / Contains: Contemporary Costumes / Street Clothes
- Musical Style: N/A (Not a musical)
JARVIS - age 50+; the late Mr Stancliffe's butler, can be English or American, but should not be Texan; suave and serious, but with a sparkling dry wit
PATRICE - age 30-50; the late Mr Stancliffe's neice and heiress tohis estate; the love potion and reveals a romantic and passionate side of herself; elegant, attractive, sophisticated
MICHAEL - age 30-50; Patrice's husband and an inveterate lecher; sets his sights on Melody; brash, loud, self-centered; not very likeable
MR. OAKFIELD - age 40+; a short, balding, overweight lawyer, who gives the impression of a quiet, mild-mannered man until he spends most of Act II trying (unsuccessfully) to find a vacant bathroom
TAMMY-JO - age 25-40; the neighbor from across the creek; appears to be a fairly straight character for most of the play, but later has her "moment in the sun" as a sensuous temptress; very Texan, very beautiful
MARY-LOU - age 30-50; a serious, matronly ornithologist; changed by the love potion; plain then glamorous; conservative, then sexy; shy, then outrageous
- Ensemble cast
- Non-Traditional casting